On Thursday October 11 John, my senior in High school.. and oldest child...told me it was "Pink Out" on Friday at the home Football game and asked if I have any Pink stuff he could wear...
John did not read my blog post I wrote 10 days earlier
..I told him I wrote something...but he had not read it...
I understood why he hadn't read it...
I would not ask him to read it...
John turned 5 October 20, 2009... and was in his last year of Pre-School
I was diagnosed with Cancer the first time in November 2009
John turns 18 on October 20, 2022...and is in his last year of High School
This is his Senior Year 2022-2023
He is my first born...
He was born 15 months after we got married...
He is the Trailblazer...
I had no idea what I was doing...
But...I remember... not being afraid... of not knowing what I was doing...
Even when John had to have heart surgery when he was 12 months old...
I still remember walking confidently in that situation...
Not confident in a certain outcome...
Confident that whatever the outcome...its gonna be fine...
It's Fine. Im Fine. He's Fine. Everything is Fine...
Thru my First Cancer Diagnosis ... I wanted the kids day to day...to be Fine...
The Day to Day was sometimes the Grocery Store...
One Day... John's Day to Day...included calling out a lady in Trader Joes Grocery Store check out line...
They were bagging my groceries..my back was to her...
John had his one hand on the red metal cart...like he was taught to do.
Eli was next to me holding my legs..waiting...
I heard his voice first...mumbling...some sort of dissatisfaction...
I couldn't make out what he said...
Then out of the corner of my eye...I saw him moving..shifting..
Then it came again...much more clear and strong...
John turned to her and announced...
"You don't have to worry about us...
She is fine...we are all fine...
she doesn't even mind showing your her Bald head...
She'll take her hat off for you..... if you want to see...She doesn't care..."
He commanded the space...
I think he could have stood there as long as he wanted ....
I remember the support...I felt it...
from the eyes of those present...no words needed from others...
The support was going straight to John...from so many...standing in ear shot
I don't remember the lady at all....
But I remember seeing his hand still on the red metal cart as I pushed the cart out to the car...
He's gonna be Fine....
When I reflect back on the 5 year old in 2009...
When I think about that Trader Joes Story...
When I see the 18 year old...in 2022
I see so much Light in the Darkness...
I see Light in my son's life amidst the darkness he had to walk through...
and now...has to walk through again...
I have said it before...and I will say it again...
The Darkness that Cancer brought...to not only me...but to my kids..
They were so little...
They won't remember a time in their life that Cancer wasn't linked with their Mom...
It was...is...scary for them...I can't deny that...
But the Light sure did Shine Bright in that Trader Joes Check out line...
Don't you think?
(...to be Continued...tune in next time....Part 2 I go Pink Stuff Hunting...)
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